Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
