I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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