help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're like the curious george of whores
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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