So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
