Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
