I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
