Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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