Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
