I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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