Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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