It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
