Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
