I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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