I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
