Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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