Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
