i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
