wrigley field is MILF paradise
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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