Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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