people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
