I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
