VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm really busy with my period
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