you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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