You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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