You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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