I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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