I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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