i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
