alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
