you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
