peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
