i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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