That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
