he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
