So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
