We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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