put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
