hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
