Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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