I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
