you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
