What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So here I am, sexting at work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
