that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
