I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
