Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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