is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
