even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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