3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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