Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love accidental penises.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
