ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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